What if companies started their own lines of condoms?

Eh?!!

Imagine the outcome (every pun intended!) if companies started making condoms, but kept their tag-lines the same:

Tesco condoms - every little helps

Sainsburys condoms - making life taste better

Nike condoms - just do it

Peugeot condoms - the ride of your life

Galaxy condoms -why have rubber when you can have silk

KFC condoms - finger licking good

Minstrels condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hands

Safeway condoms - Lightening the load

Abbey (National) condoms - because life is complicated enough

Coca cola condoms - the real thing

Ever ready condoms - keep going and going

pringles condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

Burger King condoms - home of the whopper

Goodyear condoms - for a longer ride, go wide

FCUK condoms - no comment required

Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile

Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you

Andrex condoms - soft, strong and very very long

Renault condoms - size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin

Ronseal quick-drying condoms - it's dry and waterproof in 30 minutes

Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please!)

Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach

Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world

AA condoms - for the 4th emergency service

Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal

Polo condoms - the condom with the hole

Pirelli condoms - power is nothing without control

the Man Utd condom - one Yank and your whole world falls apart!!!


Enjoy!!!

Ben R

Bloody colds!

Yep, I've got one too!

Cheers to whichever bugga it was at work who passed it on - 5 out of the 6 on our bench are spluttering and sneezing all over the show! Dealing with mine the best way I know - tablets and chillies.

Chillies?!!

That's right; those little red danglers (surely I'll be arrested for that description!) can help to fight a cold. All to do with the mighty capsaicinoids. Read my university thesis (if you can find it!!) on the Scientific Journal website. Never forget my time at uni trying to rush my thesis 'cos a scientific company delayed my order by 8-9 weeks. less time = less revision for all my other exams. At least that's the excuse I'll use for the rest of my life!!!

Thanks to Rachel and Tracie at Eelpie for my ITA competition book, 'Better Living Through Air Guitar'. Currently studying the Guitarma Sutra section, paying special attention to the G-Strings!!

Molly, I might have to whack up my connatations of the air guitar techniques to avoid copyright!

Be afraid everyone, air guitarist ahead!

Ben R

Latest news from Snowy Wycombe!

Big hi to everyone out there in Blogland!

Not in the best of moods from last Thursday - a delay in a pay rise until December plus an 'adjusted' bonus at the end of the year?! Company just taking the Michael out of me. That's put me on a downer for a few days, but hey, I'm alive and in good shape (except for aching muscles!).

Looking forward to the release of Rachel, Casbah Club's and The Who's works when they are set free. I hope Rachel will be doing more live shows in the near future - I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms from the Basement Jam!

I was looking forward to saving MY MONEY! (in case my managers are looking!!) for a new camera, a new bass and cabinets. Camera is going to be a Nikon D70s with 18-70 and 70-300mm Nikkor lenses; the bass is an Alembic Mark King Standard, only £2,600 at the Bass Gallery in Camden. It has come down by £400 since Decemeber (I popped in before the Basement Jam! Played like butta!! Stanley Clarke eat your heart out!) Amplifiers and cabs will be rack-mount Ashdown pre-amp / crossover / power sections plus 4x10 and 1x15 cabinets.

That should allocate all THE MONEY (!) I am owed...

..I'll take a straight swap for the cash if the company feels morbidly guilty about their treatment!!


Take care Peeps!!


Ben R